mattabc

Building A Religion

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 03:07:12 GMT

Hi, my name is Joe, I work in a button factory

Not really, on both things I said up there.

Goodbye heat problem. Took a bit of research and twiddling around but it looks like a bad fan was to blame for the heat. I modded my rig (oh yeah, I'm cool, hay ladies) to pull air out the backside and took out the failing fan that was pushing air out the backside and my pc keeps an even 40 celcius on the processor. I'm pleased, only bummer is this external fan is kind of loud. My shuttle box being liquid cooled made hardly any noise. Now it makes a constant rumble. I bought a special case for it from an online pc store, and if I get that ok I might buy the special 80 x 80 x 15 fan to replace the faulty one. I guess 80 x 80 x 15 is special because none of the local stores around here carried them, only 80 x 80 x 25.

I don't know what to feel anymore. How about that? I've been thinking a lot about that lately. Growing up and on into my early 20's I was misserable, it over shadowed all my feelings and actions. Now that I've got passed all that drama (both imagined and very very real parts) I'm sort of left floating in outerspace.

What would Jesus do? As lame as that sounds, I think that a lot. I can't claim any relgious denomination but I feel as though I should be doing something important and not maintaining the status quo. Part of this journaling thing was to get many lose thoughts floating in my head into something organized. So far so good. Having a family, writing, teaching tae kwon do and exploring the pitiless depths of java web development has brought about a change for the better in me and a more organized thought pattern.

It's just a shame that I know I have something great rolling around in me and all I do is try to avoid it.

On the java development front, I've made leeps and bounds on the home world. I got cvs versioning tied in with my ant build process at home, I can version, branch and roll back code of any web app I write now. That's huge for stability reasons. Love it. All in all I'm pretty proud of myself.

Not so proud of myself on the tae kwon do front. I haven't been back since the kid was born. I feel pretty bad. I really really need to call my instructor. I'm sure he understands, but I need to let him know this kid is taking so much time, money, and effort. I'm drained. All I want to do is go to work, get stuff done, and come home. Despite the lack of activity I've been eating healthier meals, or I should say not eating out for lunch all the time. It's great. I've lost 5lbs. Not that I'm an overweight slob, but I would like to drop about 10 to 15 lbs. I'm 6'5" incase you were wondering. 220ish would be a great fighting weight for me. I hold the extra weight around the waist so if I dropped it I'm sure I'd look better too.

Thats enough for tonight. later tater

Civ III ROOLZ! LA~

Mon, 30 Jan 2006 02:39:24 GMT

Fuck last week. The kid cried all the time, I was massively sick and my damn pc took a dive on me. I was going to list all the crap that happened and tediously comb through the horrid events that culminated in a catastophic failure of my life. But to hell with that. I sum it all up with fuck last week.

I will touch on one thing though, my home pc took a dive. I noticed after I installed some dumb game it would lock up while playing said game. I got rid of the game but still had a few more lock ups...so I reinstalled everything, os, drivers, the works. Thought everything was fine until friday night. I installed a different game and my pc kept locking up over and over. So i was like, well time to reinstall everything again...started the win xp pro install and it hangs during the format of the drive!!

No big deal right? I start over but win xp wont install...BECAUSE ITS A BLASTED UPGRADE DISK AND WILL ONLY INSTALL IF A VALID WINDOWS INSTALL IS PRESENT. F ME RUNNING! I got no pc!! I run to best buy and drop mother fucking 300 frostys on win xp pro full edition...get back to the house and my pc is still hanging on the install.

Long story short, I think its a temperature thing. I eventually got it up and going yesterday morning and haven't had any lock ups ... yet. But I think the pc was getting too hot. My reasoning is that it does it at odd times and I have never played a game on it that required me to have the game disk in the cd drive. Plus I got cvsnt running and I had my external hard drive sitting on top of my pc. I forgot to mention that my pc is a shuttle, so its small and compact, prone to heat problems.

Anyway, hard drive on top trapping heat, and disks in drive constantly spinning creating more heat brought the system down. At least thats what I hope. I cranked the fan speeds to max in the bios settings and Im looking into modding the case to push more air out.

Also I'm broke. I could almost handle all the med bills from having a baby but its the damn daycare thats going to wipe me out. Well us out, the wife and I. How are we going to do it? I have no clue. 200 bucks a week. Damn man...

Bye every1

I'm Crying, also I am the walrus

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 23:02:36 GMT

Well its that time again, time for another action packed live journal entry.

who doesn't love that?

So the kid is almost 3 weeks old now. He's a total pain in the ass. Cries constantly. The docs have tried some stuff but the kid cries and cries...history tells us that many kids will cry constantly for thier first 3 months or so. I wonder how I'll be on 3 months of no or little sleep.

mother fucker

I love the little guy though. He's strong as hell. I plan on passing to him my absolute hatred of this world so he may continue on in my footsteps of quiet mediocrity. What a dad.

Not really, ok maybe a little bit. But I hope I can do better than my dad and provide better than my parents. Maybe give this kid a chance at something great. Like I never had, boo hoo poor me poor me.

I'm sick. Why am I always sick when major things happen? My right eye is all red, I can't breath because I'm so full of crud. Sonuva!

On my two week break I did manage to get a ton of stuff around the house done. And I learned a bit more about the fun world of java web development on my own as well. Excellent 2 weeks despite the ilness, cranky baby and even crankier wife.

Love life, hate myself, word

If the price is right

Tue, 10 Jan 2006 23:32:15 GMT

So what a life it's been

I wasn't planning on taking any time off for the holidays...until my left nut started hurting. The doc took a look and said it's most likely inflamation and the pain would go away however because the ultrasound test showed a blood flow loss they would have to operate.

Congrats me on a normal testicle and a week off on pain meds.

Oh well, that's over.

Christmas was fun. The wifes older sister freaked out because ... well because she has the emotional maturity of a 14 year old and the mental capacity of a ADD 7 year old hyped up on ritalin. So of course the wife gets mad at me and some how this is all my fault. I don't know about that, but I have had it with her older sister. Oh well.

I checked in a bunch of code yesterday for work. It totally messed things up...I couldn't fix it because I'm off for the next two weeks. Looks like the problem was handled. Makes me mad though, I hate being the cause of a major problem. Although in reality the problem wasn't that major yet it was major because it really held progress up. Life goes on I guess.

the reason I'm off for the next two weeks is because my kid was born. Woohoo. It's exciting. My first child.

Wish I could write more about that, but I'm all tapped out. Its all anybody has been talking to me about over the past few days.

I just want to get back on track with training and get this kid raised.

Until next time kids.

8 days

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 02:30:45 GMT

Time for another update on the thrilling minutia (sp) that fills my life.

I've been running. Hot damn, feels great. Wife sister is gone so I get up every morning and run at 5am. I jog along for half an hour. The machine tells me I do 5.2 miles an hour (roughly 11 minute 30 second miles) and burn about 320 calories. Running helps loads for tae kwon do. So much more energy.

I had to lay the law down in class Monday. One of the blue belts has always worn pads when he spars. Probably not the best idea considering not wearing pads helps a student learn control...as in, landing a kick yet stopping right before contact.

The blue belt has really been waylaying people. Not so much with skill, but just generally trying to lay people out. I don't know if he thinks he is being tough, or he just can't tell what he's doing because of the padding he always wears. This has upset a lot of the students at the school. Some of the guys complain...but I really don't care about that, I feel they should step up and put him in his place and stop whining...but the kids and older women the blue belt beats on is not cool.

Anyway, I put my money where my mouth is Monday and dominated him during a sparring match. This will continue unless he learns more control.

Ok enough of that crap.

Felt good to write about it I suppose

Wow this update sucks

The wife hasn't been feeling the best. I wish this pregnancy would just be over. It's her ticket to not do anything, and that worries me. I'm sure that last sentence made me sound like an ass, but this woman is so damn lazy sometimes it really makes me mad. Granted she is in med school, but I work all day and still find time to run in the mornings, train in the evenings, teach class, clean house, etc etc. While she will claim she has to study or has all this work to do and then go take a 4 hour nap (that kind of stuff happened pre pregnancy and it's only getting worse).

She gets really upset when I suggest she needs to lose weight and get her ass in gear after the baby is born. Well what did I expect she is pregnanct I guess. I've backed off for now...

I mean I get it, she's in the final stage of pregnancy, she is miserable. I'm doing my best. But at the same time I expected so much more from her and it's like she's always looking for an excuse to whine and cry and now with the pregnancy in it's final stage I can't say anything or I look like the asshole.

Life goes on

I NEED TO UPDATE MY JOURNAL

Tue, 13 Dec 2005 02:46:32 GMT

The days off did me good. I was planning on updating daily with all kinds of interesting insights into my mundane thoughts since I had so much time at home...

but I didnt do it

Mostly I recoded a webapp I set up to keep track of my checking account and expenses. How exciting is that? Pretty exciting if your name is mattabc, live journal name I mean.

The dogs were glad to have me home. I wish the wife and I played with them more. They have so much life in them, they need open space to run but we live in the god forsaken city. Bummer.

I broke out my acoustic guitar after years of not playing. Cleaned it up, restrung it. Still sounds pretty good. I'm not much of a player. I always wanted to be and I guess I'm ok...but meh, I lack something, a certain style I guess. It was fun playing some old beatles songs around the house and pretending I could sing.

I'm sure the wife is hella sick of It's Only Love.

I never wanted to be a rock star or a great guitarist/vocalist. I always imagined myself being able to translate what I was thinking and feeling into song. I've learned over many years of trial and failure that I'm not the one. Really makes me mad. I have so much crap going on upstairs and I would like to think it could amount to something...but it doesn't. So here I sit, trapped inside myself.

One day maybe, I'll break the barrier. Its so important to me because I think its the best I have to offer. Like some people can make cool things, or do something great. I guess I thought I'd leave a mark with some great philosophy or something. So many things wrong and no guiding thought to right the wrongs. I think that's why I like to teach Tae Kwon Do so much. I figure its showing people a better way to be than sitting around eating, drinking and dieing.

Bastard dogs pissed in the computer room yesterday sometime. I tried to clean it up, but it still stinks. I'm super sensitive to poop and pee smells. I can't stand it. I'm going to rent a carpet cleaner and go over the floor a few times.

*Tae Kwon Do*
This last Wednesday for basic drill I had the class run through all forms to 1st degree black belt. For the lower ranks not knowledgeable of the higher forms I had them repeat thier current form for each form they didnt know. It worked out well. took a full half hour. The last half hour consisted of 3 minute sparring rounds between various competitors of my choice.

Excellent class, I'm documenting it here so I won't forget about it so easily.

Day Two

Wed, 07 Dec 2005 21:34:48 GMT

Well its mid afternoon on day two of my vacation. Yesterday I cleaned, coded, gamed, movied and drank too much pop.

Today I coded a bit, ate some tacos, and stared at the tv. Kind of boring day...I was planning on going to the phone place to get my phone looked at as its been acting funny. But I didn't feel like leaving the house. Which sucks because I teach tkd tonight. Blargh dont want to go. But I will and I will have a fun and feel better about myself like I always do

So anyway.

Oh yeah, I want to start journaling my ideals for tae kwon do classes. Maybe use this as a forum to get my ideas down on virtual paper so to speak. Should be interesting...

My dogs want outsaide, bye

Vacation

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 00:33:34 GMT

I got the next 4 days off. I'm hella cool. I decided to use my mass of pto days. The boss said I can carry over all 12 if I wanted but I chose to do 4 days off and carry over 8. I could use a week off. I'm going to code code code! Wow, take a vacation to do at home what I do at work...only a nerd like me.

Oh well, I'm feeling pretty good today. Just feel good, no particular reason.

Well then, this update went no where. I logged on with so much energy to post and bam! I got nothing.

Peace Out

Sunday Morning With You

Sun, 04 Dec 2005 19:50:16 GMT

I'm feeling pretty good right now. The wife ended up in the hospital last night. They pumped her full of fluids and kept an eye on her over night. She's better today. I'm relieved. Things are back on track with the pregnancy.

Her sister who has been staying with us for her medical rotations will be leaving wednesday! I'm pretty pumped. Not that I dislike her, she's really cool, I just want my computer/workout room back. We turned it into a bedroom. I can start running in the morning again and not feel so cramped when using my pc. yeehar.

I bought some fish oil today, I mean pills. I'm adding it to my morning regiment. Protien powder, creatine, multivitamin and fish oil. Time will tell how this stuff works out. The wife thinks I'm nuts, but I think its a good idea. Extra protien because I lift weight, multivitamin to boost up the stuff I'm missing, creatine for extra all around performance and now fish oil. I've been reading about its benefits. I think it will be a good thing. I'm tired of feeling so physically crappy all the time. This year I really fought against it. And as it winds down I'm feeling much better and have developed better life habits. Next year will mark me takeling my diet. I don't eat like a pig or anything, I just could be more organized on what, when, and how I eat. Here's to a better future.

I've got 15 days of pto to take before the end of the year. Holy shit. I thought I was almost out and planned a vacation when my kid was born in January. But damn, I'm going to have to take 10 days. It sounds pretty lame, but I don't really want to. Most of the stuff I have to do deals with work, and missing time will make it hard on me. Oh well, I will probably grab at least a week off this month.

Party on Waynes.

Passing the time

Sat, 03 Dec 2005 18:24:47 GMT

Wife is sick today. I was hoping to go out and do something with her. I mean anything, we never leave the house anymore. She's always too sick or too tired or too something. I set up a new checking account with bank of america since my bank sold out. For some reason I can't access my new account online. I'll wait until monday and try again.

I teach class today. That's pretty exciting. I look forward to it. I'll probably run a hard class and join in. I'm thinking lots of floor drill combined with forms followed by some sparring. That should be fun. My shoulder is feeling better but I will still take it easy when I lift weights before class. Hopefully some new faces show up in class. There are some great people that come and train but it would be nice if more people joined.

Until later

This new theme is pretty lame, but it will work for now

Sat, 03 Dec 2005 03:33:52 GMT

Decided to try and get a new look going before I went to bed tonight.

it's better than the default anyway.

Man this place is hard to navigate

Fri, 02 Dec 2005 23:04:11 GMT

Thought I'd take some time and write a bit. Forgot to do it last night. Had a company party to go to. It was fun, at some bar, everybody was smoking it seemed like. Nasty stuff.

I had a few free beers and shot some darts and headed home. Argued with the wife then forgot to update the journal. So much for writing everyday.

Today was mostly mundane but good. Had some fun working on a custom build task. How exciting am I that I find that stuff fun. Oh well.

The wife and her twin sister are sleeping. Not sure what I'm going to do with the rest of the evening. I was hoping we all could go grab a bite somewhere. I'm very sick of my house ><

Actually I'm mostly sick of everything. Not in a bad way, just wish something different would happen. I think I finally started living the middle class dream about a year ago. At first I thought it was cool, now I'm just numb...what the hell.

Maybe I'll write later. I gotta log into work from home and take care of some crap. I'm actually looking forward to it...see see! I'm totally messed up!

I started my livejournal

Thu, 01 Dec 2005 03:26:19 GMT

Yay me

I friend from work got me interested in this. I think it will be fun

MY SHOULDER HURTS. Dammit, makes me mad. My back has been killing me all week. My wife normally adjusts it for me as she is studying to be a DO. But with being pregnant and all, she can't do it. So with back hurting, I trudge off in the winter snow to go train some tae kwon do and lift some weights. During lifting I felt something give in my shoulder, now it hurts. I even lowered the actual weight I was lifting. LOL, my life, gotta love it.

Anyway, I hope this will journal will help me get a better focus with life. I've felt as though I've been drifting for a bit. Not sure why it's nagging me so much lately. But I feel I need to change something in my life even though things are going great. Maybe blabbing my crap on the net will help realize something I'm missing.

Until tomorrow